Potlucks & Kickbacks

Interview with Kourtney Galloway

Excerpt from Interview with Kourtney Galloway
Q: What would you say are like the necessary components of a gathering like, particularly like a Black family gathering?
A: For us, honestly? It’s presence. Just being with each other.
Like, I remember one year we planned a Christmas brunch. It was supposed to be a few hours—just brunch. It turned into lunch… then dinner… and by the end of the night, half of us ended up spending the night. That’s just how we are. Once we’re together, it’s hard to leave. We don’t need much beyond each other to feel full.
But if we’re talking about what’s universally needed for a Black family gathering? Definitely good food, good music, and good energy. You’ve got that? You’re set.
In my family, it really doesn’t take much. As long as we’re together, there’s going to be food, and there’s going to be laughter. That’s the baseline.
I think I made a post once that said, “Two things my family can do: cook and eat.” And my uncle commented, “And act crazy.” That pretty much sums it up. Give us a plate and each other, and we’re good.

Interview with Spring Council

Excerpt from Interview with Spring Council
Q: You mentioned that when you want to reconnect with your mom, you’ll cook stuff. So, I'm just wondering what kinds of things when you're in your own kitchen preparing food for gatherings. What do you like to prepare?
A: I like to prepare the braised beef short ribs. That was something that my mom used to cook for me, and then I serve those with grits, so that really goes well together. Sometimes, I do traditional stuff, and do fried chicken for the holidays, we do traditional turkey, ham, fried chicken. We brought in the rib roast. I do the gratin potatoes, green beans, and then with the collard greens, and baked salmon. So, we sort of mix things up. And one particular Christmas, I cooked the meal, and I actually had filet and lobster tails, and my mama got a kick out of that… of my different approach to the Thanksgiving dinner. And people really showed up on that particular holiday, for the meal.
Q: And you mentioned there were eight of you. When you have these gatherings, is it you and your siblings, extended family, community? Who would show up?
A: It's me and my siblings. Because when my mom was living, we would gather in her home. And a lot of time we’d invite people in. Folks who didn't have a place to go for a holiday, they would be at our table. So, we included them as well, and I like to invite my friends in for dinner and have dinner parties, a lot of time. Folks don't have the time to do the gathering themselves. So, I’m sort of the one who will pull everybody together and have a dinner party or have a birthday party for one of my friends and have everybody come together.

Interview with Shatavia Thomas

Excerpt from Interview with Shatavia Thomas
Q: Talk about your relationship with your grandmothers and the memories you have with them as it relates to gatherings.
A: Yeah, so I can even take it back. And this is like one of those funny and cherished memories of my great grandmother. So, I was blessed to grow up, knowing great grandmothers on both sides of the family. One of the funny things that I even laugh about today is my great grandmother taught me how to scramble eggs when I was 9 years old, and I used to go over to her place after school. And to this day, every time I cook eggs, I think about her cause, she said. Okay, now, Shay, when you're cooking you gotta take that little part out, cause that was supposed to be the baby. It's like the most random, ridiculous thing. But even sometimes, when I'm cooking, often times when I, and I still do that to this day, and so just little things like that, you know. Of course, when I fast forward thinking about my grandmothers, you know everybody had their certain recipes or certain dishes. But just the notion of like passing down traditions. Certain things were a secret, you know, like, if certain something, had a secret ingredient. You don't tell that part, but just the power of gathering to cook and to talk and to kind of pass things on in that way, and so my grandmothers in particular, whether I think about my maternal side or my paternal side, just even the, you know, they were also busy, right as black women, we do so much. We wear so many hats. There was this like consistency, but passion, right? Like no matter what's going on, and as tired as they were. And as many things as they had like. You could always feel the love and that intention put in the preparing of a meal, and then, of course, the gathering of the people together to enjoy it all together.

Interview with Ashley May, Lacey May Jackson & Suzarn May

Excerpt from Interview with Ashley May, Lacey May Jackson, and Suzarn
Q: Tell us about your family gatherings and why you wanted to be a part of this project.
A: We started this tradition of this family gathering right, that we did at a park, right when we could gather post 2020. And then it has grown into basically like a localized type of local like May family reunion at the park with shirts and everything, as you can see. And I think really, while, it was a very informal invitation that happened in 2020, I think it has really done the job or taken on the job of creating a place for us to gather, because both of my grandparents have passed on, and the house was sold, and so now we are making another place for us to gather all together, that's you know, on neutral terms. But even, the place where we gather at the park was so special to our grandparents as well, and they would take even little cousins there when they would babysit. That would be their daily walk and drive to Marina Del Rey. So, but I'm like, what do we do with it now? Cause I'm so busy. How do we capture it? Well, this invitation I was like, oh, this is how we'll capture it! This will be what will help me formalize this capture of these memories, and when it comes to my mom's side. I'm really like, I started to think this summer. The reason I'm into this is has a lot to do with my grandmother, right. And I'm gonna get teary-eyed because she has Alzheimer's and she doesn't remember everything. But when I do talk about these things, it captures her soul, you know, and she is… I feel like so much of why, where I am today, is so rooted in what she taught me. I used to go to genealogy meetings with her, all the time, the African American Genealogy Society. And I was like, oh, my gosh! Those were the first! My first impulses to gather historical data on black people in the US South. That's where it all begins. And here I am today. So, it's a tender moment to me that to come to this space, and to think about the impact she had, and how she gathered people, and how she made cakes. And how I have carried it with me, and I mourn the loss of her memories. And that's kind of with the space I'm in, and that's the impulse I have to capture this.

Interview with Bonnie Maldonado

Excerpt from Interview with Bonnie Maldonado
Q: Tell me about a time where you felt like an outsider at a Black gathering.
A: Oh yes! It's mainly family gathering, some family gatherings and being older, and seeing the ways that some of my cousins, who are like men get to invite all of their girlfriends and stuff like that. And then I'm just like, I don't get to invite the people that I'm with in the same way because of internalized homophobia or fear that people may have that they are not expressing. And that feels, that is difficult. Because I'm like, y'all get to do this, you have a different person every month, and I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with that. And it's just more so of the permission, or also the normal like, it's a norm and it's accepted. And it's actually expected too because of also how our families were created, really, because yeah. And that is, that is like in the feeling of the outsider and the questions that people ask because they're like, we don't… What's going on with you? And I'm like, no, nothing good. We're alright. We are alright. So, that's a lot of outsider, what people assume, and also, like how they're communicating with me, and is that they might not even be aware of but also, I think my sister and I have always been the cousins that were never really in the mix, because we be in school or in programs or abroad. And so, a lot of the outsiderness is coming back and seeing so much change in the family, in the gatherings that we're not really the same. There’d be like a new addition to the family, or like someone is just older.
Q: Yeah. Do you think that is tied to class in any kind of way?
A: Absolutely, I think, in different ways. Here, I think it manifests differently in different locations. So, with in the Bronx and East… Actually, I could say the same about both places. I was the same in both places. Yeah, I think we have… Well, I'm gonna speak for myself, I think I have access to different spaces, and maybe different family members don't. And so, and that is either through because of like where I went to school and proximity to people who were in different, in a different class, but also the network, the networks that I have. I think, despite not necessarily being in the same financial bracket, like places me closer. Like I'm able to move in and out in different places. So being here is like having to be mindful of that. So, my aunt will... (laughs) Yesterday my aunt was like, what does this say? Cause her daughter lives in Switzerland, and I'm like this is definitely in German, French, and Italian. I'm like, okay, I could do the Italian. But the fact that she knows that, like giving it to me, so I can translate. Yeah, I can do that for you. But yeah, it's class definitely has to do with it.

Interview with Sarah Davenport

Excerpt from Interview with Sarah Davenport
Q: How do you create a welcoming space and make sure people feel safe? How do you all ensure that with so many different people coming to the space?
A: So, with this org, I think the main thing is you can't like. You will know the political stance that that this organization holds. The events are specifically for particular groups of folks like we have programs for disabled folks, programs for queer folks. Things like that. We'll do events at the LGBTQ Center downtown. We’ll do events like specifically at certain other like spaces like that. And then also, like even in their hiring right, they'll have a flyer, and they're specifically looking for people who are marginalized. So, I feel like that's one way. You know it's not like you can't come in this space if you have these political views. But in Florida, we're so polarized that I mean everyone in the US. But Florida is like intense right now. So, like basically, you'll know what the political stance is here. You know that you're gonna be going into like a queer BIPOC space if you come to any of our events. And then like, especially in online spaces when we're in Zooms and things like that, there's just something that Itiba will read every time just like this is not a space. We are not condoning any forms of racism, you know things like that. And if you are, like, if there is a problem, she'll put like different forms of contact that people can reach her at. So, if you don't want to write in the Zoom chat. You can text me on my phone, or you can write me on WhatsApp or you can email me. Or we have this anonymous form that you can submit. So, if there's something going on and she'll keep, she said, I'll keep all these things open. So, if during the meetings anybody has any sort of feels uncomfortable or something's going on, you can contact me directly, and we can address it right then and there. So, it's always like live, in action. She tries to make sure that you know, it's not gonna be after the meeting that somebody says, oh, this was said, but that during, we can also secure and then people will just get kicked out. In like more public spaces, I think, I mean, we haven't really had problems. But there has been a time where, like we were doing a food drive. It wasn't at my house and like someone was being disrespectful. And you know, people just said, no, you need to go, like we're gonna bring your food to your house. But you need to leave like we understand you're upset. But also people have training. So, we are also partnered with Peer Support Space. And that's like a free therapy, and also like community mediation, all that sort of thing. So, people like Itiba and different other folks that are main members of the group or board members, have also these sort of trainings for like de-escalation. So, someone will come in and be like, okay, you gotta go. At least, that's what I've seen. So yeah, I think those are the main ways. And I mean, of course, like, you know. I'm sure things happen. And you know, I mean, there's a lot of drama, I mean people. There's conflict even. I've had conflict with people in the way that it's been dealt with is just like direct mediation. No, you know, we're not talking about each other behind each other's backs, like it's very uncomfortable. But we will even get a mediator if we need to. But yeah. That's one way. Those are some of the ways.

Interview with Cece P.

Excerpt from Interview with Cece P.
Q: What's your last memory of a family gathering you appreciated?
A: I don't think I can point to a specific gathering because we had so many; as I said, my grandma's house was the place for the gatherings. So, as a kid. I wake up in the summertime, me and my sister go to bed in our shared room, and then I wake up, and it's like bodies and blankets I gotta step over. My grandmother, her siblings, and her first cousins grew up very close and talked daily. It never felt like it was planned. It just was somebody who happened to come to the country, or a bunch of somebodies came at once, and then somebody heard somebody was there, and they came. So, we had lots of those... I would like to talk about when I took care of my grandma. I left my home in DC and went to Virginia in February. So, my grandma first told me about her pancreatic cancer diagnosis in January of last year, on my sister's birthday. She told us both on three-way, January 15th, 2023. I told her that I had lost my job during Covid. Grandma, I'm not doing anything; if you need help, I'll come. And, in February, she called me; I thought you said you were coming. Grandma, you never called me, but that was her way. She's a fusser. She doesn't really ask for anything, but you know she cares. So, I packed my little stuff and went down there from February until the very beginning of July, but you couldn't even tell she had pancreatic cancer. We chilled the whole time, and she was so independent. When she got sick, she had a fever one night, and she wanted me to give her Tylenol. I was like, no. The doctors have been talking about this fever. If you get one, let them know. So obviously, it's important. So, we needed to go to the hospital, and two weeks from that day, she was gone. So, we spent a week in the hospital. While there, I had been trying to be very open with the family about what was going on because it was never that I was her caretaker. It was just like I had the time. Let me help her. I had to step into a role that, if somebody had asked me, could I do it? I didn't think I would, but it just was so seamless. I've never been more organized in my life. So, the gathering for me that stands out is the week that she was passing, that we were at home; I had her in hospice, so I'm managing all of that. But from the time I told the family that I was coming home with her, there was not a time that we were alone. People were coming in every day, driving from the cities. And so, the gatherings that I remember just happened when she was in the house. So, it was a small porch, but I just remember the times when so many of us were just sitting in a circle on the porch, talking and reminiscing about family members and memories and the gatherings at her house. And so, for me, that week was so sweet because I could just feel that she was being ushered out in love with everyone constantly coming to the house… I'm getting chills. I don't want to cry. But those gatherings mean something to me because they were so… What's the word I'm looking for? Organic. And we were sitting around, just talking, and even though we didn't have all the music, dancing, and stuff that we used to have at the parties. It had the same spirit of that and I hadn't felt that with the family in a long time.